fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
