are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
