I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
