He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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