We won't sleep together?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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