I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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