He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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