This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
