Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
