She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
