Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
