Just fell off a train. Bad.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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