Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
