Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Two words: nipple clamps
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