Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
