I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
