My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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