The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
