I just made out with a guy for $7.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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