I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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