wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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