new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
