She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
