i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
