Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
