Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
