just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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