Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
