My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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