im six kinds of drunk right now
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
