I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I am naked and annoyed.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
