Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
