I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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