i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
