After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
