you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
