You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
