what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
