I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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