My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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