I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize