doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
