Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
