is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
