so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
