I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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