It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
