another moral hangover. fuck.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
