some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize