Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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