is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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