Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
