Only a mothe r could love this liver
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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