'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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