Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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