Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
The air taste purple.
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