i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
