I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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