Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
