Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
