What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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