Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
