Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
