No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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