you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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