I just cut my nipple shaving
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
