if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
