I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
