evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
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