There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
