i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize