she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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