I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
