we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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