Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
