On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
