Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I want to fling myself into the sun
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
