My first STD was from a foam party
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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