i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i need some magic done to my vagina
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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