I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
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