I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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