Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
