You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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